Dealing with Transitions

Dealing with Transitions

Dealing with Ambiguity and the Unknown

It doesn’t really matter what it is that you are transitioning from, the internal and external conflicts that a person faces can be down right daunting. Sometimes, we are faced with having to make difficult decisions that have “no win” outcomes, or we have a moral responsibility to ourselves but our decision may hurt another person in the process of making the difficult choice. It isn’t easy choosing a path to take, yet there are a few things that may help us to understand the decisions in order to be at least comfortable, even if the decision to make the change is full of dilemma.

1) As adults, nobody purposefully abandons us, rather they choose themselves over our wants and needs. We feel abandoned when our comfortable way of living is challenged.  Moving into new territory is difficult for all parties involved. It is important that we take responsibility for our expectations of other people.  We want people to take us with them when we fear that they are going in a different direction.  At the root of many of our behaviors is the feeling that we will be alone. This feeling is common in many areas of our lives besides the obvious marital or relationship breakdown.  A change of manager at work, a favored co-workers departure, the graduation and movement of our children,  friendships where schedules have changed or persons have moved into new environments, are all sources of abandonment responses. It is important that we tap into our feelings of abandonment and evaluate our source of fear.

2) Journeys are fluid.  In order for growth to take place, movement is required.  It is scary doing something different. Often people feel that they are drowning and they resist change, even if it is change that we really want. Reflecting on the reason why resistance is being experienced allows us to get in tune with our fear and our intuition.  Almost everyone feels trepidation from time to time. In truth, we all feel genuine fear at times. The less we fight ourselves, the smoother the ride through the river of change can be. We are our own security blanket but rarely do we go internal to seek answers. Most often we will outsource our feelings rather than be accountable for them. It is difficult to take ownership of our behaviors and yet, our ability to do so it the cornerstone of fulfillment. Say to yourself: “I need…..”, “I want…..”, “I am capable of getting through whatever comes my way.” The results will be astonishing.

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3) Trust in the safety of yourself.  At all times, we are in control even when we feel we are not. Most often, we turn the power of our thoughts over to other people and we let them become the voices in our head.  There is no one inside of yourself but you. The friendships you create are the spirits of people you let in, but they are ultimately just guests in your cognitive thought.  People make decisions for themselves, despite the influences of others.  Trust yourself and the decisions that are made, while not always the best choices, will always be entirely your responsibility. The same resolute applies to each and everyone of us independently of each other.

4) Mourn.  Go through the steps of denial, loss, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.  It is crucial to experience loss and to recognize that moving through transition is moving through the various stages of grief in order to come to acceptance of a situation.  Sometimes mourning takes only a few hours, or days. At other times, especially during periods of great loss, it can take years.  This transition process is critical for moving forward into healthy interpersonal relationship and self appreciation.

5) Laugh.  Laughter is the best way to get through transitions.  When we laugh we use at minimum 53 facial muscles!  It also provides us with much needed serotonin and it is vital for stabilizing our insecurities.  A person can only have one emotion at a time.  Take as much time as possible to feel the emotions of joy. It is said that if you need to fake it until you feel it, eventually the feeling becomes real.  If you haven’t anyone to share a laugh with, consider visiting youtube and watch animal videos. The pranks are an endless source of entertainment.

6) Take a class.  The best way to get out of your own head is to listen to another persons point of view.  There are amazing classes available at minimal or low cost and will afford the opportunity to think about things another way. When we over focus on a problem, we can’t see a solution. Do something else. If we are out of the problem, but are challenged about moving forward, sometimes we just get a bit lost. Take a class on a subject you have always wanted to learn or one on the subject you are fretting about.  The more you educate yourself, the more fluid the transition.  Give yourself permission to hear another persons journey.

The most important part of going through transition is understanding the meaning of the word itself. Transition means “non” permanent. What ever the circumstance you may be experiencing, it is indeed something that shall pass. Chances are good that it will pass and move you into a better, more exciting, fulfilling and engaging development in your life. And you will be glad to have experienced the transition from something that wasn’t working to your best benifit, to something that provides incredible satisfaction and well being.

I invite you join this blog and leave your comments and concerns.  Your thoughts are valuable and it would be an honor to hear your insight.

Visit www.westcanlearningannex.com for seminars and workshops located on Vancouver Island.

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